While Dan was going through the devastation of ALS, I read a couple books to help me think about him facing the end of his life. One was a book by Madeleine L’Engle called Walking on Water, Reflections on Faith and Art. One passage stood out for me. She wrote “Following Christ has nothing to do with success as the world sees success. It has to do with love.” I wrote about this in an email to Danny. I said he had definitely had a successful life because he loved, and was loved.
When we were kids, there were times we fought, the way sisters and brothers do. But even then, I knew that deep down Dan loved me. We agreed on that, too, when he and I talked about it a week or so ago. I always knew my big brother loved me, and he knew I loved him, too.
As I look back to when we were kids, there are lots of memories of Dan. I remember him as a kind of gangly kid with dark framed glasses. Often those glasses got broken and were repaired with tape or a band-aid in the corner. It was cute. I remember him leading us in the search for cookies after Mom & Dad left – my mom hid cookies from us kids, so often as soon as the door closed behind them, Dan would say, “OK, let’s start searching.” I remember hours of playing “War” and “I Doubt It”, two card games, in the Volkswagon camper as we drove from one home to another.
I remember how much he loved dogs. When one of our family dogs was killed by a car as we drove to move from Anchorage to Key West, Dan very quickly told all the rest of us we should ask for another dog as soon as we got to Florida. We did and Tuffy was a great dog who brought us a lot of joy.
He also loved the ocean in Florida. During my final visit with Dan we talked about how happy he was in Key West. He and Dad built a boat together and then Dan earned money from his paper route to buy a motor for it. He loved that boat. During that visit it was making him happy just to remember going out in it with his friend David.
And of course he loved his family. I stayed with Dan one summer during my college years when he was going out with Kathy. I remember him combing his hair before he’d go in to the store where Kathy worked. We had a good time in our final visit talking about his wedding, too. It was a beautiful wedding and Dan and Kath had a beautiful marriage. As he was coping with ALS during one phone conversation I said how amazing Kathy was. Dan said, “Yeah, I always knew how great she was and now I see it even more.” And he was such a proud father and grandfather.
Another thing he loved was living in Lynden surrounded by his family and friends. Back when I lived with him that summer he told me how great it was to drive around town and everywhere he went, people waved at him. He loved that feeling of belonging here. You, his friends and family, gave meaning to his life. Your faithful visits made him so happy. Thank you for that.
When Dan got the diagnosis of ALS he really amazed me, too. He had such a good spirit through it. He even found humor in it. Once he told me about a funny thing Heather said. Dan said that they had gotten a new piece of equipment that Heather and Kathy were going to use to move him. As Heather and Kath stood by Dan in his wheelchair planning out how they’d manipulate it, Dan said he was disagreeing with everything they said, because he thought he knew better. Finally Heather turned to him and said, “You just be quiet or I’m going to cover your mouth with duct tape…and there’s not a thing you could do about it.” Dan could hardly get the words out he was laughing so hard.
There’s a Jimmy Dean song that I’ve been thinking of lately called “Big Bad John.” He sings, “At the bottom of this mine lies a big, big man.” Dan was my wonderful big brother, a big man with a big heart. I’ll miss him.
No comments:
Post a Comment