Mavis Stories: The Siblings - Dan (February 2, 1954, to November 4, 2006)

I thought I'd start writing a little something about my sister and brothers.

My older brother Dan was the oldest child of the family. Dan was 2 years and 9 months older than me. In November 2006 Dan died of ALS. It's still hard to believe that happened. He was a good brother and a good man.

When we were growing up, Dan and I were not the best of friends. We always loved each other, of course, but we were like many (most?) brothers and sisters as children and we fought. There were times where I'd bug Dan so much he'd say, "I hate your greasy, grimy, gopher guts." He called me names sometimes - "Porky" comes to mind - and sometimes we'd physically fight, too. He'd punch me in the shoulder once in a while. But I was not innocent. I knew how to push his buttons and I did. I'd deliberately say things I knew he didn't like.

Dan used to feel responsible for all of us if Mom & Dad left us home alone. I didn't like him thinking he was the boss of me. I remember once calling Mom wherever she was and saying, "Mom, Danny thinks he's big." It makes me laugh to think of that. What in the world did I think Mom would say to that? I can't remember what she said actually. I'm sure she somehow smoothed things over.

Another thing Dan did when we were home alone was lead us in the search for good things to eat. Mom would often hide the especially good cookies, such as those chocolate covered mint cookies. As soon as Mom & Dad were safely gone, Dan would say, "The hunt is on!" and we'd all start looking for the good stuff. We'd have chocolate milk with it, another big treat.

One favorite memory of Dan is when he was learning to drive. As he got more relaxed about it, he'd start singing, "North! To Alaska!" He was funny, too, when he'd sing along with Neal Diamond and get all low, "Bobba-la-ding-a, Hey, Hey".

As we got older our childish bickering stopped. In between my 2nd and 3rd years of college I lived with Dan in Lynden. He had bought a house and had one renter. He had started dating Kathy then and it was fun watching him comb his hair before going to see Kath in the store where she worked, and just generally wanting to put his best foot forward with her. It was cute. Kathy was very nice to me when I lived with Dan. She even asked me and Jan both to be in her wedding. That was really an honor.

A funny memory I have of Dan from that summer of living with him is how pretty much every day when he'd come home from work he'd walk across the living room and bump his head on some brackets hanging from the ceiling from a broken light fixture. Every day he'd whack his head, put his hand up to it, and say, "Damn! I gotta fix that thing!" I'd just wait for it. It cracked me up. I'd tell him it seemed like all that negative feedback would help him remember.

When Dan's kids were in elementary school they all came and visited us in San Jose. We went with them down to southern California and Disneyland. We had a great time with them. We also went to 20th Century Studios. Cori got to be part of a demonstration there of the "blue screen", where you act in front of nothing and then they put something in the background. For example, Cori put her arms up as if she was hanging from a wall, and then they photographed her from above and told her to act scared. It was pretty fun. I also remember this dinasaur ride at that park with a big waterfall drop. The photos of that drop were pretty funny.

During that visit I came in the house one day from work and Dan said, "You look good, like a businesswoman. I didn't mean all that stuff I used to say when we were kids." That's was a good moment. I always knew he loved me but that was nice.

My most touching memories of Dan are from when I visited right before he died. ALS seemed like the absolute worst thing for Dan to get. Such a big, strong man to become helpless like that. I couldn't imagine how Dan would be able to stand it. But he was amazing. His theme became, "God's grace is sufficient for me." He may have become weak physically but his faith was so very, very strong. He even found humor in his frailties.

He did have some worries as his death approached - none for himself but for his family. Dan was always very thrifty, good at saving, paying off his house quicker, things like that. So he wanted to be sure that his family was going to be all right without him. He and Kathy met with someone to plan their finances and, although things were well lined up, he couldn't help but worry about that sometimes. There was one time where Dan was talking about that for quite a while and seeming to get kind of worked up about it. Dad and I were on each side of his bed. Dad said, "Dan, we'll take care of Kathy and the kids. Why don't you stop thinking about that? Why don't you think of the people you'll see when you get to the other side? You'll see Grandma, and Uncle Hip..." Now that memory makes me cry to think of it. It's a testimony to Dad's great faith and love, too.

I was glad one time during that visit when I was able to help Dan feel calmer. I reminded him of the good times he had when he was on his boat in Key West. He started remembering things about that and it made him feel good. He remembered the boys he'd gone on the boat with. I know one was named Stefan. I think another was David. I went out on that boat with Dan a few times. He loved it. He used to get "goosters", a kind of small lobster, in traps. He also got a lot of shells and there's a very pretty collection of them in Dan & Kathy's house, on shelves Dad made from driftwood.

As I've said, Dan was a good brother and a good man. He loved his family so much. I still miss him.